100 reasons why I love you, and how to write your own

100 reasons why I love you

Each one is written as a small, real thing rather than a compliment, because that's what makes a reason sound true. Take the ones that already fit, change the details on the ones that nearly do, and skip the rest.

The small, everyday things

1. You say good morning before you've opened your eyes.
2. You always leave me the last bite and pretend you're full.
3. You text me when you get home, even when it's late.
4. You remember how I take my coffee and have never had to ask twice.
5. You hum while you cook and don't know you do it.
6. You warm your cold feet on me and apologise every single time.
7. You still say thank you when I make dinner.
8. You send me photos of dogs you pass in the street.
9. You fall asleep ten minutes into every film and swear you watched it.
10. You make the bed the way I like it, even though you think it's wrong.

The way you look after me

1. You notice I'm tired before I've said a word.
2. You bring me water when I'm ill without being asked.
3. You check the weather for wherever I'm going.
4. You remember the names of the people I complain about at work.
5. You came to get me that night, no questions asked.
6. You keep my favourite snack in the cupboard, even though you don't like it.
7. You let me be quiet when I need to be quiet.
8. You ask "did you eat?" and actually want to know.
9. You plug my phone in when I forget.
10. You hold my bag without being asked while I try things on.

How you make me laugh

1. You do the voices of everyone in the story.
2. You laugh at your own joke before you've finished it, and that's funnier than the joke.
3. You can make me laugh in the middle of an argument, which is unfair.
4. You're far too proud of your terrible puns.
5. You dance in the kitchen as if nobody's watching, while I'm watching.
6. You make up songs about whatever is in front of you.
7. Your impression of me is rude and completely accurate.
8. You send me the right meme at exactly the right moment.
9. You laugh with your whole face.
10. The same stupid thing still makes you laugh every time.

Things only I get to see

1. How soft you get when you're half asleep.
2. The voice you use for animals when you think nobody can hear.
3. That you cry at films you said were silly.
4. How nervous you get before a phone call.
5. How you look at me when I talk about something I love.
6. Your handwriting on the shopping list.
7. How seriously you take a board game.
8. How you rehearse what you're going to say before a hard conversation.
9. How proud you look when you've fixed something.
10. How you find my hand in your sleep.

How you treat other people

1. You're kind to waiters, even when they get it wrong.
2. You always call your family back.
3. You remember your friends' birthdays without a reminder.
4. You stand up for people who aren't in the room.
5. You're patient with children and with old people.
6. You apologise properly when you're wrong.
7. You make the new person at a party feel welcome.
8. You talk about your exes without bitterness.
9. You give generously and never mention it.
10. My friends like you, and you like them back.

When things got hard

1. You sat with me in the waiting room for as long as it took.
2. You didn't try to fix it when I only needed you to listen.
3. You stayed calm when I couldn't.
4. You told me the truth when it would have been easier not to.
5. You came back after the fight to talk it through.
6. You believed in me before I did.
7. When there was nothing to say, you just stayed.
8. You never once said "I told you so".
9. You made the worst week of my year feel shorter.
10. You kept us going when money was tight.

Who you are

1. You ask the question everyone else was too embarrassed to ask.
2. You do the boring jobs nobody will ever thank you for.
3. You keep small promises, like calling when you said you would.
4. You did the thing that scared you anyway.
5. You change your mind when someone shows you you're wrong.
6. You're the same person with your boss as with your best friend.
7. You read all of the instructions.
8. You forgive faster than I do.
9. You say so when something is unfair, even when it costs you.
10. You still get excited about the first warm day of the year.

Us

1. We can sit in silence for an hour and it never feels awkward.
2. We have words for things that nobody else would understand.
3. You make a trip to the supermarket feel like a date.
4. We both fit on that tiny sofa.
5. You still reach for my hand when we cross the road.
6. We're a good team, even when we're putting furniture together.
7. You're the first person I want to tell good news to.
8. You're also the first person I want to tell bad news to.
9. We argue about the stupidest things and always end up laughing.
10. Home is wherever you've left your shoes in the hallway.

The way you look and feel

1. The lines by your eyes when you smile.
2. Your hands.
3. How you smell when you've just woken up.
4. Your hugs, which last a moment longer than they need to.
5. How you look in my hoodie.
6. Your eyes just before you laugh.
7. The way you kiss my forehead.
8. Your voice on the phone.
9. The way you find me across a room full of people.
10. Your hair first thing in the morning.

Everything still to come

1. I want to grow old arguing with you about the heating.
2. I want to see what you're like at eighty.
3. You're in every future I picture.
4. I want to go everywhere on our list with you, and keep adding to it.
5. You make me want to get better at the things I'm bad at.
6. Getting older doesn't scare me when it's with you.
7. I'm still finding out new things about you.
8. I still get excited when I hear your key in the door.
9. I'd choose you again, every time.
10. Because I do, and I'm not finished.

How to write your own reasons why you love someone

Borrowed reasons are a start. The ones that make someone stop and reread are the ones that could only be about them. You don't need to be good with words for that, just a method:

1. Start from a moment, not a quality. Scroll back through your photos or your messages from the last year. Each time something makes you smile, write down what they did, where and when.
2. Turn it into one sentence that starts with "you". "You drove two hours to bring me the charger I'd left behind" says more than "you're thoughtful" ever could.
3. No adjective without an example. If you want to say they're funny, kind or brave, add the time they proved it. If you can't think of one, leave that reason out.
4. Mix the sizes. Put the small daily things next to the big ones. A list of only grand reasons reads like a speech; a list of only small ones can read like a list of chores.
5. End with the future. The last few reasons are about what you want next, which turns the list from a look back into a promise.

How many reasons should you write?

A hundred is the tradition, and it's a lovely number to hand someone, but it's a lot to write well. Most people run dry somewhere between twenty and forty and start padding. If that happens, stop. Twenty reasons that are really about them will mean more than a hundred where eighty could be about anyone. A few numbers that work:

• One for every year you've been together, or one for every month in a first year.
• Their age, for a birthday.
• Seven, one to open each day for a week.
• A hundred, if you've got time to write a few a night for a couple of weeks before you give it.

Ways to give someone your reasons

How you hand it over decides how it's read. A list read in one go lands as one big moment; reasons pulled out one at a time get read slowly, and some get read again.

• A jar of folded notes. Write each reason on a strip of paper, fold it and fill a jar. It's the classic for a reason: they can take one whenever they need it.
• A letter. Pick your best ten and put them in a letter, in order, with a line at the start about why you're writing. Our guide on how to write a love letter walks through it.
• One a day. Send one reason every morning for a week or a month, as a message or a note on the mirror. For shorter lines to send in between, see our list of cute things to say to your boyfriend.
• Out loud. Read five of them at dinner. Shorter than it sounds, and harder than it sounds.

Jar of Reasons is a premium template. If you'd rather write a letter, The Letter is free: put your ten best reasons in it and add a few photos. Both are digital gifts they open on their phone from a link, with nothing to install.

Mistakes that make a list of reasons sound generic

• Copying a list word for word. If they've searched for the same thing, they'll recognise it. Use lists like this one for the shape, and change the details.
• Only listing looks. A few physical reasons are lovely. A list that's mostly about how someone looks can read as if you haven't noticed anything else.
• Reasons that are really complaints. "I love you even though you're always late" is a joke in person and a dig on paper.
• Saving it all for one day. You don't need Valentine's Day or a birthday. A list of reasons on an ordinary Tuesday is often the one that gets kept.

If you're writing for someone far away, the same rule holds: write about them and your ordinary days together, not about the distance. Our long-distance birthday plan has a few lines in the same spirit.